Tuesday, September 13, 2011

A Very Poor Substitute

Morganne knows this feeling all too well. This fear, this creeping terror clawing it’s way through her heart. She knows that as soon as she pulls on her pajamas and turns off the lights, the vulnerability, the loneliness is going to force it’s way out of her throat. She can feel it already working it’s way through as it has been periodically all day.

She knows she should be happy. She should be excited for the future, there’s so much in store and, to be honest, she really is excited. But right now she’s more lonely. Like she needs nothing more than a pair of arms wrapped around her. She knows how safe she’d feel then. Nothing would matter then. But those arms are missing and she’s alone and afraid to turn out the lights.

So Morganne slips into her pajamas and grabs her teddy bear, clutching him tightly to her chest. For a moment she just stands there, hugging the bear, her mouth pressed deep into his head as the tears scream to be released. If she couldn’t have those warm and safe arms to nestle in to, this teddy would have to do.
Slowly at first, but then with a jolt of determination, she makes her way to the light switch and flicks it off. Almost immediately the flood gates are opened. Morganne chokes back a sob and finds she has to practically crawl to her bed, pulling the covers high up to her chin.

Why is it, she wonders through the blinding tears, that loneliness is much more suffocating in the dark? Quite literally suffocating, too. Even if she weren’t silently sobbing, she knows she’d be finding it hard to breathe. And there’s nothing you can do, either, her heart moans. A stuffed animal and warm blankets are a very poor substitute for love.

I think most everyone can relate to this sort of suffocating loneliness. Thanks for reading!

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